


Space

by Rebekah_Matthews



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebekah_Matthews/pseuds/Rebekah_Matthews
Summary: After Mamoru leaves for America, Usagi spends her days writing letters to him where his absence becomes more apparent each day. When she hears a song one day in the library, she finds comfort in feeling the intensity of the love she's held for him all these years.
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi, Kaiou Michiru/Tenoh Haruka
Kudos: 8





	Space

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this short, one shot story a read. This is set in the Sailor Moon Stars arc after Mamoru goes to America - this story explores Usagi's coping mechanisms and emotional experiences after he leaves. Please leave me a review to let me know what you think!
> 
> Japanese phrases: Kon'nichiwa = hello; Koneko = kitten; Ginzuishou = silver crystal; Chan = Japanese honorific to refer to children and female family members, close friends and lovers; San = the most commonplace honorific and is a title of respect typically used between equals of any age
> 
> Author disclaimer: the song that motivated and inspired this story is Biffy Clyro's song Space. The song is from their latest album A Celebration of Endings which was gifted to me by a friend at work and I love it. This has turned into my favorite song.
> 
> Simon Neil, the lead singer of Biffy Clyro said of the song: "The song's about the people in your life that even if you haven't seen each other for years, they're still very much a part of who you are. They're still in your life, still in your thoughts. And no matter how long you haven't seen each other, and you get back together, it just feels right. Love is simple when you're together and you get the happy side of it all. But when you're apart, that's when you really, truly figure out how much you love something or how much it hurts."
> 
> A dedication: I dedicate this to my friend, Matt, at work who introduced me to Biffy Clyro and bought me their latest album A Celebration of Endings. His friendship has been one that has made me laugh, comforted me in times of unhappiness and worry and warmed my soul.

It was strange, she mused to herself, that all it takes is to hear something once for it to be your favourite song. Sometimes, we have no idea how we’re feeling until someone says it perfectly for us and in that moment, it’s your favourite thing in the world. It releases a burden that you didn’t realise was sitting on your shoulders. She just happened to be sat in the library when she heard it. She was there writing a letter that she hoped to send to America that afternoon. She heard the faintest tune and she found herself getting to her feet and seeking it out. She found another student with music playing loudly through his earphones which the silence of the library allowed her to hear. With no shame or embarrassment, she tapped him on the shoulder and asked to hear the song, thanking the universe that she had the ability to quickly befriend someone. After the first line, she was hooked.

_When we were young and still in love  
We didn’t care what we were made of_

She went back to her table after thanking this perfect stranger for lending her his earphones for the full four minute duration that the song lasted and she screwed up her letter into a ball, only to start again. All it took was to hear the song once.

_We carried our past and cradled the storm_

‘Dear Mamo-chan’, she began, ‘it’s sunny and warm here. It’s almost like the sun is giving everyone a warm hug. I hope you’re feeling the same comfort we are here. Always remember that I am your sun, especially from afar. Everyday, I wish that you can feel my warmth, and my love, for you. It’s been too long…’

She felt a tapping on her shoulder and for some reason, she presumed it was that same student she interrupted to hear the song on his iPod. She turned and looked up at a pair of familiar and welcome faces.

“Kon’nichiwa, Koneko-chan,” Haruka greeted her, patting one of her buns fondly.

“How are you, Usagi-chan?” Michiru smiled.

“Haruka-san, Michiru-san,” Usagi exclaimed, standing up to give them both a hug. “I haven’t seen either of you in a while.”

“We’ve been down at the coast for a few weeks,” Michiru explained. “After everything, we just needed to recharge. I’m sorry, we should have been here for you after Mamoru-san left for America.”

“Oh, don’t worry!” Usagi reassured them. “He seemed to get off okay and then I went to Raye’s after I left the airport.”

Haruka’s eyes had flickered over Usagi’s shoulder a few times in the time they’d been conversing with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Ah, writing a letter I see,” Haruka observed.

Usagi’s head whipped round and she immediately leaped back into her seat and covered the pages over with her arms with an awkward giggle.

“Oh, Haruka,” Michiru sighed. “Excuse her. She’s always been one for an epic love story.”

“I believe that’s you, dear,” Haruka retorted, referring to how they had got together in the first place, a story that only Setsuna had ever been privy to.

Michiru shot a well-aimed elbow at Haruka’s sides, which Haruka expertly dodged with a chuckle.

“So, how is Mamoru-san getting on with his studies in the states?” Michiru inquired with interest.

“Oh,” Usagi hesitated, a shadow falling over her face. Haruka and Michiru glanced at each other, the concern obvious on their faces. “He’s doing fine, working hard. I believe there are lots more people there than in Japan. He’s very busy.”

Michiru felt Haruka’s hand enclose around hers and squeeze gently. She got the hint.

_Well I get lost sometimes  
With you I am found  
I get lost so I’ll follow the light to your heart_

“Well, that sounds great, Usagi,” Michiru smiled warmly, noting that she didn’t answer the question. “Are you doing anything after you leave here?”

Usagi nodded.

“I’m meeting Minako-chan and we’re going to go shopping,” she replied. “I now need to find this song in the music store.”

“Not the Three Lights, is it?” Haruka sniffed.

Usagi and Michiru caught each other’s eye and suppressed a giggle.

“No,” Usagi smirked, with a shake of her head.

“Well, that’s a relief,” she grumbled. “I can’t even listen to the radio anymore.”

“It’s a good thing you prefer the violin, sweetheart,” Michiru teased her, running the backs of her fingers down the length of Haruka’s cheek.

Usagi watched them fondly, an unconscious smile at her lips. The older senshi turned back to Usagi.

“We need to go find our books, but we’ll catch up with you another time, Koneko-chan,” Haruka announced, patting one of her buns again.

“Bye, Michiru-san, Haruka-san,” Usagi waved, turning back to her letter. She continued to write. ~~‘It’s been too long…’~~

Haruka and Michiru disappeared around the corner and peered back at Usagi’s small frame that was now hunched over the table as she worked on her letter. They looked at each other with the same worry and concern on their faces.

“There’s a great sadness that surrounds our princess,” Haruka observed quietly.

“We should keep a closer eye on her,” Michiru murmured.

“Agreed,” Haruka nodded.

Usagi pondered what to write, realising that her previous words weren’t right after scribbling them out. She suddenly had inspiration.

‘The Ginzuishou doesn’t shine as brightly when you’re not here, Mamo-chan. I think it misses your presence, too. I know that I do.’ She sat back against the backrest of her chair and sighed. She held her hand up against her chest where her brooch sat, in which lay the Ginzuishou, the brightest star in the galaxy. She felt the dull shine there. It was almost like it wilted like a flower without sunshine and water. When he left, everything felt grey and her skies continued to blacken as each day came and his replies didn’t. “I can’t wait to hear your words again, my love. It’s been too long. I remember once telling you in the days of the Silver Millennium that my favourite sight was the sky because we didn’t have such a beautiful blue sight on the Moon. But really, it was your eyes. I hope they still shine in the moonlight. Sweet dreams and all my love, Usako.’

She drew a picture of herself, complete with odangos and attempted to draw what looked like her blowing a kiss out of the page at the reader. She had a small giggle to herself when she observed her drawing and knew that he’d roll his eyes and have a chuckle. She licked the envelope with a grimace and wrote his address on the back, sticking the postage stamp on the top right corner. It was time to post this and meet Mina.

***

“Usagi-chan!” Minako yelled at the retreating blonde as she raced down the streets. “Why are you in such a rush? I thought we were going for ice cream!”

“We are,” Usagi answered over her shoulder. “I just want to get to this music store now. We can get ice cream after. We’ll only be a few minutes.”

“A few seconds more like if we continue to run round Juban like this,” Minako returned, picking up the pace to catch up with Usagi.

Usagi finally reached the music store and came to an abrupt halt. Mina however hadn’t given herself enough space to stop and crashed into Usagi from behind, causing them to crash through the door and land in a heap on the shop floor.

“Ah, Minako-chan!” Usagi groaned.

“Usagi,” Minako grumbled. “Why did you stop like that for?”

“I was at the store!”

“Well, you’re in it now!”

“Can I help you?”

The girls looked up into the face of a bemused looking salesclerk staring down at them, arms folded across her chest.

“Oh, yes,” Usagi nodded, pushing Minako off her and getting to her feet. She reached into her pocket and produced a post it note which the guy in the library had written down for her the details of the song he was listening to. “Do you have this record in store?”

The salesclerk peered at the post it for a moment then clicked her tongue with a nod.

“I certainly do,” she answered, frowning at Minako who was getting to her feet very ungracefully. “Follow me. It’s not long been out.”

“Oh, brilliant!” Usagi exclaimed, gleefully following her. “Come on, Minako-chan.”

“What is the deal with this record? I’ve never heard you talk about it before.”

“I just heard it in the library,” Usagi replied.

“Why on Earth were _you_ in the library?”

“Not important,” Usagi said, waving the question away with a swipe of her hand.

“Well, what’s so special about it then?” Minako asked, perplexed.

“It’s just… really soothing,” Usagi shot back, unable to think of anything else.

The salesclerk came to a standstill and pointed out the album that Usagi wanted.

“Here you go,” she offered. “There’s the album or the single.”

“I just want the single,” Usagi declared, grinning when it was handed over.

She turned towards the checkout and paused when she noticed the bewildered expression on Minako’s face.

“Don’t worry about it, Minako-chan,” Usagi smiled. “I heard it in the library, and I thought it was nice. Maybe it will even help me study.”

Minako’s mouth dropped open.

***

Usagi lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling as the music played on a loop. She closed her eyes and just let herself get lost in the track.

_Will you wait, will you wait for me?  
There’s always a space in my heart  
I’m still caught in your gravity  
No matter the distance between us  
Our joy lives in the moments we share  
Loves truest meaning lives when you’re not there  
Will you wait, will you wait for me?  
There’s always a space in my heart_

She knew she adored Mamoru, that much she knew shortly after meeting him. It was like her heart warmed and responded to him and there was no shaking him. When he spoke to her, even when they bickered, it was like she flowered. He was her sun, her air. She clung to him in the days leading up to his departure for America because she knew when he left, he was going to take a part of her with him. The Ginzuishou felt it and so did she. It wasn’t quite like a hole in her heart, but it was more like a dull ache. It hurt that he wasn’t there. It was only after he was gone that she realised just how much she loved him. There was no one else for her. And as the days went by, and the longer she went without a word from him, that dull ache grew and sometimes it was a sharp pain.

She couldn’t tell the girls that she’d heard nothing from him. They would immediately assume the worst and she couldn’t go there. After she almost lost him, and her future, to Queen Nehellenia, she couldn’t relive that pain again. She couldn’t be anything less than cheerful around the girls, but she wasn’t anything more than ‘fine’ in reality. She continued about her day, just as she usually would, but that missing person who brightened her day, warmed her heart, and soothed her soul wasn’t there. She used to listen to the Three Lights’ music on a loop because she could hear the passion and hope in their lyrics, the pleas and desire. But it wasn’t enough. She needed him back. He would always be a part of her, always in her thoughts. The longer he spent away from her, the greater the distance between them, this was when she felt the intensity of how much she loved him, how much it hurt that he wasn’t with her.

It struck her that it was his absence that made her aware of just how much he meant to her. She’d lost him so many times over the years she’d existed, whether through battle, a new life, and lost memories or even through death. But this was almost… worse. It was knowing he was somewhere that was just out of her reach. So she continued writing the letters – with a hope in her heart of a response, any response – reminding him that he would always have a space in her heart.


End file.
